It's hard to have a crisis of faith when one is not even sure anymore in what to have faith. I've always had faith in myself, and I've always come through for myself. But for a while now I've wondered if even that is enough anymore. For many their faith gets them through tough times - usually faith in God, Allah, or whatever deity to which they can relate (Atheists notwithstanding, but even then there is still faith in oneself).
I've always relied on the fact that I can always count on myself. I can always rely on myself. I will always figure something out. It's what keeps me going. It's why I keep pushing myself - always forward, never straight.
But what happens when that isn't enough anymore? When the light starts to fade? When you have fought for so long to get to a point where the faith in oneself just might be rewarded in some fashion what happens if that isn't enough anymore. After having to dig deep for so long to muster the will to keep fighting is there anything left when the fight is over? Is the fight over or is it just a few minutes to catch one's breath? What if you don't know anymore?
There is an adage that a "rising tide lifts all ships" but I wonder something...what if the ship has taken on too much water.
There have been times the last several months where some very dark and disturbing thoughts have crossed my mind and during those times I find myself tested - Do I have anything left? How far down into ones own self can be reached before you hit bottom? And when that happens, then what? Keep digging? Find a new bottom? I've never been one to quit and I haven't yet but being beat is different from quitting.
This could be a week where some of these questions might find answers. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore nor do I trust myself half the time it seems. I just keep moving, keeping pushing, keep fighting to go forward through it all. How far back do I have to go? Where's the line? Each time I think I'm making progress regarding home, work, or love lives the illusion seems to collapse in on itself, leaving me to wonder if it was real to begin with or am I fighting so hard for anything that resembles "light" - because the deeper down I go, the darker things get.
I'm still fighting. I'm still keeping the faith in myself.
I don't know how much I have left but the band keeps playing on.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
War is a necessary form of diplomacy...
...and it's also a job, specifically for those in the military. It works like this: Our nation's defense is so important we have a department in the government that focuses solely on defending this nation. It is, in no clever form of wordplay, called the Department of Defense (DoD). The DoD is the "parent" to the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines (who technically fall under the Navy, but I digress). The DoD's mission is defending this nation from its enemies and yes, in some cases, that means going to war.
Sorry folks, but the peace loving days of the 60s are over. They ended for this nation on February 26, 1993 - the first time terrorists tried bombing the World Trade Center. Don't think our peace loving days ended then? Okay, then how about April 19, 1995, in Oklahoma City when the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building was bombed. By the way, that bombing was conducted by an American.
A few facts about that "home grown" terrorist act: It was the most significant act of terrorism on American soil until September 11, 2001, claiming the lives of 168 victims and injuring more than 680. The blast destroyed or damaged 324 buildings within a sixteen–block radius, destroyed or burned 86 cars, and shattered glass in 258 nearby buildings. The reason? Mr. McVeigh was protesting the government's handling of the Waco Siege in 1993 and the Ruby Ridge incident in 1992. Long gone are the days of protests being conducted in the more civilized manner of the 1960s (peace marches, sit-ins, love-ins, etc.). I'm not saying those protests were all peaceful in their own right as a fair amount of riots also occurred, but compare the death toll and the number of people injured compared to Oklahoma City.
My point here is that we are living in a new world order and not everyone is playing by the same set of rules. It's a new game and as such we have to play a little bit of catch up in some areas, namely fighting an enemy who is not afraid to die.
Think about it for a moment. Most people fight to live. There are some people who want to die and will aspire to do so by nearly any means possible. It's not a stereotype to say that most of these people are enemies of the United States, and as such, we must fight these enemies so that we might live, thrive, prosper, and grow. (It's inconsequential these individuals want to die, our fight is for our survival).
In general we don't fight because we want to, we fight because we have to. For those individuals that want to be part of this fight and protect our nation, its interests, and its people, we have an organization devoted to such a cause: The aforementioned Department of Defense (DoD).
The DoD is an all volunteer force. I will repeat this because it bears repeating - the United States Department of Defense, the military, is an all volunteer force. The draft has been over for almost 37 years. (January 27, 1973 - Secretary of Defense Melvin Laird announces the draft is ended in favor of voluntary enlistment.) This means that this nation, and its government, have not drafted anyone to take up this fight since January 1973. How do we staff the military? Volunteers.
These volunteers do benefit from their military service, traditionally in the form of specialized training and experience, as well as other tangible benefits such as the G.I. Bill to help pay for college, or the VA Loan Guarantee so a veteran can buy a home (with no down payment or PMI as the VA is guaranteeing the loan). This guarantee is no small thing either. For example, in most Virginia counties, the VA backed loan for a single family home is $812,500, with a Ginnie Mae backed maximum guaranty of $1,000.000. Read those numbers again, I'll wait.
For example, the home loan guarantee is a significant benefit. It enabled me to buy my first house at the age of 23 - one year out of the Navy and into a new job (for which the Navy provided the training and experience).
These are just two of the many benefits available to veterans. My point here is that we have a volunteer military, and those volunteers are compensated for their service in many ways. These benefits have their price, and that price is doing the job for which one volunteered. Now that might not seem like such an extreme point, I mean, if one accepts a job as a mechanic and is told to change a car's oil, you do it because it's part of the job. You don't protest, or complain, or try to get out of it because you are being compensated, in the form of a paycheck (and in some cases, additional benefits). You don't like it, you quit and leave because in this country the right to work at will is protected. You didn't sign a contract. There's no obligation.
But in the military there is a contract and an obligation. When one enlists or accepts an officer's commission, what is also accepted are the duties and responsibilities of the job for which one volunteered. One of those jobs is war. Going to war, fighting a war, and ideally, winning such war. (Granted the term "winning" applies to conventional warfare, such as when one's enemy is vanquished or surrenders, but I refer back to my earlier statement that the "rules have changed").
When I enlisted in the Navy I understood that fighting in a war was a possibility - a risk. In the legal world one might say I "assumed the risk". I was working August 2nd, 1990 - the night Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait. We all looked at one another and knew, without having to say it, that it was only a matter of time before the United States officially declared war. In the subsequent days and weeks we didn't talk about how to get out of fighting, or ways to avoid being sent to the Mediterranean Sea and the Middle East, we talked about how our roles had changed, about how our jobs were now more important, and most important, this is what all the training and drills was about - fighting a war. We were ready. We didn't like it. We didn't write or sing war songs. We didn't glorify things. We accepted matters. War was part of our job.
While we prepared for work the civilians we were protecting were glorifying matters. Topps, the makes of sports cards, printed sets of Desert Storm Trading Cards with pictures of tanks, weapons, and other war related paraphernalia. My own father would call me to tell me the latest war joke he heard, laughing about how "MRE" (Meals Ready to Eat) stood for "Meals Rejected by Ethiopians". He's laughing while tens of thousands of soldiers, airmen, sailors, and marines, are eating these very same MREs for each meal. I was irritated by his jokes but I also understood no harm was meant by them. No understanding either. Something every one of these soldiers, airmen, sailors, and marines will say is this statement, word for word: "I might not like what you say but I defend your right to say it."
Think about that for a moment. While many sit here and make jokes about the military, and the food (which over time has improved but still nothing like a hot home cooked meal), the very same military is "out there" fighting, killing, and dying, to protect those rights. In my opinion, the only ones who can make fun of military living are those who have served. The right has been earned. Furthermore, those have lived it. They've done the work. They've prepared for the fight. If another Navy vet tells me a joke about living on a ship or a submarine I will almost assuredly have a good laugh. If a non-veteran tells me a joke about living on a ship or a submarine I will not laugh but rather ask them "What gives you the right? Have you been there? Have you done it?".
There are some who have joined the military who have decided they don't want to go to war and will do whatever they can to get out of doing their job. I'm not talking about a higher calling regarding "serving one's country" but rather the basic premise of "doing your job", especially the job for which you volunteered. It is no secret when one signs the contract that being deployed to some far off land is a possibility, especially if one signed such a contract after September 11th, 2001.
War has been deemed a necessary part of diplomacy and politics but war is a terrible thing that serves no purpose but its own. However, war is also a necessary responsibility, and requirement, of those who have volunteered to fight it. No solider, airman, sailor, or marine takes joy in having to fight. War is not a Hollywood movie; war is a job.
If you don't like the job then don't volunteer to do the job when called upon.
Sorry folks, but the peace loving days of the 60s are over. They ended for this nation on February 26, 1993 - the first time terrorists tried bombing the World Trade Center. Don't think our peace loving days ended then? Okay, then how about April 19, 1995, in Oklahoma City when the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building was bombed. By the way, that bombing was conducted by an American.
A few facts about that "home grown" terrorist act: It was the most significant act of terrorism on American soil until September 11, 2001, claiming the lives of 168 victims and injuring more than 680. The blast destroyed or damaged 324 buildings within a sixteen–block radius, destroyed or burned 86 cars, and shattered glass in 258 nearby buildings. The reason? Mr. McVeigh was protesting the government's handling of the Waco Siege in 1993 and the Ruby Ridge incident in 1992. Long gone are the days of protests being conducted in the more civilized manner of the 1960s (peace marches, sit-ins, love-ins, etc.). I'm not saying those protests were all peaceful in their own right as a fair amount of riots also occurred, but compare the death toll and the number of people injured compared to Oklahoma City.
My point here is that we are living in a new world order and not everyone is playing by the same set of rules. It's a new game and as such we have to play a little bit of catch up in some areas, namely fighting an enemy who is not afraid to die.
Think about it for a moment. Most people fight to live. There are some people who want to die and will aspire to do so by nearly any means possible. It's not a stereotype to say that most of these people are enemies of the United States, and as such, we must fight these enemies so that we might live, thrive, prosper, and grow. (It's inconsequential these individuals want to die, our fight is for our survival).
In general we don't fight because we want to, we fight because we have to. For those individuals that want to be part of this fight and protect our nation, its interests, and its people, we have an organization devoted to such a cause: The aforementioned Department of Defense (DoD).
The DoD is an all volunteer force. I will repeat this because it bears repeating - the United States Department of Defense, the military, is an all volunteer force. The draft has been over for almost 37 years. (January 27, 1973 - Secretary of Defense Melvin Laird announces the draft is ended in favor of voluntary enlistment.) This means that this nation, and its government, have not drafted anyone to take up this fight since January 1973. How do we staff the military? Volunteers.
These volunteers do benefit from their military service, traditionally in the form of specialized training and experience, as well as other tangible benefits such as the G.I. Bill to help pay for college, or the VA Loan Guarantee so a veteran can buy a home (with no down payment or PMI as the VA is guaranteeing the loan). This guarantee is no small thing either. For example, in most Virginia counties, the VA backed loan for a single family home is $812,500, with a Ginnie Mae backed maximum guaranty of $1,000.000. Read those numbers again, I'll wait.
For example, the home loan guarantee is a significant benefit. It enabled me to buy my first house at the age of 23 - one year out of the Navy and into a new job (for which the Navy provided the training and experience).
These are just two of the many benefits available to veterans. My point here is that we have a volunteer military, and those volunteers are compensated for their service in many ways. These benefits have their price, and that price is doing the job for which one volunteered. Now that might not seem like such an extreme point, I mean, if one accepts a job as a mechanic and is told to change a car's oil, you do it because it's part of the job. You don't protest, or complain, or try to get out of it because you are being compensated, in the form of a paycheck (and in some cases, additional benefits). You don't like it, you quit and leave because in this country the right to work at will is protected. You didn't sign a contract. There's no obligation.
But in the military there is a contract and an obligation. When one enlists or accepts an officer's commission, what is also accepted are the duties and responsibilities of the job for which one volunteered. One of those jobs is war. Going to war, fighting a war, and ideally, winning such war. (Granted the term "winning" applies to conventional warfare, such as when one's enemy is vanquished or surrenders, but I refer back to my earlier statement that the "rules have changed").
When I enlisted in the Navy I understood that fighting in a war was a possibility - a risk. In the legal world one might say I "assumed the risk". I was working August 2nd, 1990 - the night Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait. We all looked at one another and knew, without having to say it, that it was only a matter of time before the United States officially declared war. In the subsequent days and weeks we didn't talk about how to get out of fighting, or ways to avoid being sent to the Mediterranean Sea and the Middle East, we talked about how our roles had changed, about how our jobs were now more important, and most important, this is what all the training and drills was about - fighting a war. We were ready. We didn't like it. We didn't write or sing war songs. We didn't glorify things. We accepted matters. War was part of our job.
While we prepared for work the civilians we were protecting were glorifying matters. Topps, the makes of sports cards, printed sets of Desert Storm Trading Cards with pictures of tanks, weapons, and other war related paraphernalia. My own father would call me to tell me the latest war joke he heard, laughing about how "MRE" (Meals Ready to Eat) stood for "Meals Rejected by Ethiopians". He's laughing while tens of thousands of soldiers, airmen, sailors, and marines, are eating these very same MREs for each meal. I was irritated by his jokes but I also understood no harm was meant by them. No understanding either. Something every one of these soldiers, airmen, sailors, and marines will say is this statement, word for word: "I might not like what you say but I defend your right to say it."
Think about that for a moment. While many sit here and make jokes about the military, and the food (which over time has improved but still nothing like a hot home cooked meal), the very same military is "out there" fighting, killing, and dying, to protect those rights. In my opinion, the only ones who can make fun of military living are those who have served. The right has been earned. Furthermore, those have lived it. They've done the work. They've prepared for the fight. If another Navy vet tells me a joke about living on a ship or a submarine I will almost assuredly have a good laugh. If a non-veteran tells me a joke about living on a ship or a submarine I will not laugh but rather ask them "What gives you the right? Have you been there? Have you done it?".
There are some who have joined the military who have decided they don't want to go to war and will do whatever they can to get out of doing their job. I'm not talking about a higher calling regarding "serving one's country" but rather the basic premise of "doing your job", especially the job for which you volunteered. It is no secret when one signs the contract that being deployed to some far off land is a possibility, especially if one signed such a contract after September 11th, 2001.
War has been deemed a necessary part of diplomacy and politics but war is a terrible thing that serves no purpose but its own. However, war is also a necessary responsibility, and requirement, of those who have volunteered to fight it. No solider, airman, sailor, or marine takes joy in having to fight. War is not a Hollywood movie; war is a job.
If you don't like the job then don't volunteer to do the job when called upon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)